thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
