All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
