You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
