I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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