So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You can't just leave with hair like that
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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