Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
