porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish I only lived at night.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Acid is not a monday night drug
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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