I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
