OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
