Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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