woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
