are you still at the devil's house?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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