yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
