I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
