I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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