I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
