I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
