i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
True strength comes from lack of pants
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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