turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
