Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
