I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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