My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
