i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
