I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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