I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
