A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
