I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She bit a glass in half.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
