I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
