I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
