I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
