ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
