I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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