It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
