I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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