I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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