She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
