Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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