I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I will be naked everywhere
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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