you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
