I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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