I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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