Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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