I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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