I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
