My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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