My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
