When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
