If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
BRING THE BAGELS
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
