what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
