I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
