11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
