you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
