Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sponge bath it is.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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