I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
