Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
