I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
